Am I supposed to be happy? Or am I supposed to be sad?

Mixed feelings..

I duno how should I feel..

2nd heart attack of the week..

Lost as ever..But told myself to smile to face the day..everyday..be it good or bad..Shall try..try very hard..I noe there is a little disappointment somewhere in my heart..Feel the water droplets within the eye..but..ya..just smile..and you will just remember the good things..

I hope I really can do it..

Well at least I managed to graduate..Tot I would have done better..but so it seems that I am never good with project work..

Had the motivation to walk out of what I am doin now and apply more jobs..but the flame seemed to die down..I wonder why..Maybe I will get temperamental again this week..maybe I will just lose my temper and throw tantrum again..Maybe..Maybe not..Just wish to erase this somehow..

Nvm..Just finished work..many ppl @ POC3..the horrifyin H*B* Promo is back again..thanx man..the queue will go all the way to the bus interchange liao..>.<

TiredZ..Nd to wakey earli tmr..Shall go watch my magician of love..my prince..haha..Hope it can let me forget..

Signing out~~


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Ended my post @ 10:16:00 PM

So the day is here..and it went..Realli feel like a big idiot and pighead when I walked out of that building..it's realli nice to work that..not to mention the good food we can have for lunch..haha..that's not the main point..but well it's realli a great experience if i were to become part of the team..

First was nervousness..tryin to look my best..well..of cos I dun look that great anyhow..but for the very first time in my life..I put on lipstick..haha..well..at least the first time I put on for myself la..no blusher no eyeshadow..duno how to put oso..mayb will do that for commencement..haha..tried to make my fringe stay one side so I won't look too nerdy..as they say..nd to look professional..so that's wad I did..but the fringe somehow refuse to stay one side la..kip droppin down..but well..it's the best I can do..

Din really rehearse out loud..but tried to skim thru the tips that my dear pres gave me..but well..din really work ba..if I were to write down and memorise..it is realli too unnatural..so it was a ling chang fa hui performance then..Din realli hav the appetite to eat lunch..but cannot dun eat..in case my stomach dun cooperate..haha..then my kind parents..kindly acc me there..touched..it's realli like goin for exams or sth..haha..but the moral support is there..thx! Nd it sia..

I was rather awed by the lift..looked like one big idiot as usual..cos the lift damn high tech lo..no buttons one..u hav to press the storey u wana go..den tada..the lift will juz fetch u to that level..so high tech sia..reached there like half an hr earlier..but walked ard b4 gg in..at least managed to calm myself down a lot..

The gd thing..is the HR person quite friendly..managed to talk to her quite a bit..if onli she has a say in the selection..when I heard that there are like 40 over ppl for 5 or 6 places..it's realli like sian 1/2..worse is when i saw familiar names there..i mean i dun mind if we can all work tog..but the prob is they are more gd speakers than me..haha..I have never been able to express myself well..hai..

The wait is over..Nice and quite shuai interviewers I had..haha..but the prob is that I can't answer their qn..hai..so is bac to square 1..realli hope I can juz go for one interview and tada..the job is urs..but no..the reality is..step 1..wait for call..den..go for interview..and..still wait for call..step 4..go for yet another interview..u only hav to pass step 4 b4 u can realli get employed..omg..I wonder how long more do I hav to wait..Hope by commencement I am employed le..but..with the way I am performin at interviews..it's totally hopeless lor..boo..

Wing must learn to face reality!! Cope and handle stress..Stay positive..! it's the wing I noe since young!! =D Shall smile everyday..!!


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Ended my post @ 12:40:00 AM

WootZ~! It's here at last! pirates of the caribbean 3! Blockbuster sequel year this year..Love it to the max..first there's spidey..then pirates..and then shrek..and then hArry!! wahahha..More crazy about harry potter than shrek I think..at least this year I can watch it in Sg!! To think I was watchin in Beijing that fateful nite..all alone in my hostel..using my dear lappy..okie la..it wasn't that bad..thx to my fren who help me get a copy of the movie =) bought the dvd oso..but it is in chinese =.= mayb will buy another one when there is a sale or sth of The goblet of fire..now order of the phoneiX! wahahah..wonderin if I should buy a copy of the death hallows..hmm..

I wonder y i m so crazy over pirates..the first episode..I din realli watch..the second one I did..and I still rem watchin at gv yishun..with jas I think..the thrid one..not bad la..I like keira knightly of all..johnny depp is as usual cheeky..love his overall looks for the show..wahah..oh..how can I forget the monkey jack! wahah..sho cute..and clever..as for mr chow..rep for Singapore..nothin much leh..I think he looks more like rep for HK..since SG not much use of canto ba..as compared to HK..nvm..u all go watch k!! I still like the soundtrack..wad an impact!

Tmr is da day..sho scary..this wk gonna hav 2 surprises..I hope both go well..*pray hard..Cross my fingers* Hope I dun destroy my own life..it is time to move on..I think I am ready to move on..into another phase of life..Decision not to apply for cinema related jobx became firm..after hearin stories..the only benefit is really the free movies..but wad is the use of free movies when u dun even hav the time to go watch? rite?

Nx event up for today is of cos..AC vs Liverpool!! the revenge from 2005..Pls let Liverpool get the champ..we r the champZ! n you will nv walk alone..wahaha..I am a little hay wire rite now..wonder how I can manage things tmr..pray pray pray..

Wing can one..~~

GambattE!!


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Ended my post @ 1:32:00 AM

Finally the compose page is back..normal le..haha..

Have I found myself back too? Maybe..halfway thru..been feelin much better..mayb cos indulge myself in dramas n games..realli nice to slack at home..especially no dad at home? haha..ming dao~! Huang yu rong!! omg..my prince charming~!! haha..should watch ai qing mo fa shi..a bit too fantasy la..but still..aWw..!! Den I am fallin in luv with Eng songs again..my p10 is back in tune..haha..~ can blast it whole nite..at least it's not that sad like chinese songs..as always..listen to chi songs..i will hav too much emotions..haha..

Suddenly I miss zhejiang!! GaWd..can my zhejiang buddies pls organise an overseas trip againz? the times we had were nice! memorable..a wonder how everyone managed to clique..erm..with a few exceptions of cos..I noe it's bad..to ostracise ppl..but tried to b nice..it din realli work thou..haha..

Guess it's realli gonna be gatherin time again..soon..and fast before all goes work..

Wing wing wana zhen zhuo!! Gambatte..~~

Learn jap, dance n drivin anyone? nd some kaki here..haha..


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Ended my post @ 12:54:00 AM

Sushi tei..visit for the first time like some mountain turtle..haha..Back to Old China times when I took pix of the restaurant layout..



Pres's paper steamboat..with mushroom and salmon n duno wad..haha..nice leh..make me miss the one in beijing!!



My claypot Udon..Nabeyaki..think din spell wrong..The dish that I find it so hard to order..all thanx to stupid kor..haha..



Happy Bday to miao miao!! Belated..haha..Nice cake..so proud of it that I chose it..wana to buy one for my mummy too~! Nx mth..hope it's still there..


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Ended my post @ 12:24:00 PM

Nice nice guitaR with mumble beside it..haha..Din realised it's the exact replica of the 7-11 promo doraemon guitar..Love it! Thx dar..it did made my day =)


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Ended my post @ 12:17:00 PM

Maybe everyone who just graduated experiences the same thing..it's just how they see things and how they handles things that makes it better..I am one person who can't handle such things well I guess..Been in an emotional turmoil..if there is such a description..haha..

Broke down..not because of anything..Dun wish to talk..not because I dun like you..it's just maybe I can't face myself..face the reality..face the world..Been so enthu in sending out resumes..but now..I am realli wondering..entering into a new phase in life..how would this change my life..Is that what I really wan? One wrong step and that's it..Maybe girls realli think a lot..and this is not good..too sensitive over things as well..Try to take it easy..Ya rite..easier said than done..it's not about others..the first thing to do is to cross the obstacle..that is you, yourself..

Wonder y I can't work well under stress..where is this cheerful and optimistic girl?

Even had a weird dream ytd nite..I am really afraid of losing I think..although been saying that I will be mentally prepared..yet had such idiotic dream that I hope won't come true..If not I can't imagine what I will do..haha..

Stupid girl..

When will I have the courage to move on?

...


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Ended my post @ 12:06:00 PM

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Ended my post @ 9:14:00 PM

I am tired...

Of wad...

I duno...

I always duno...

Need someone to guide me...still can't find my torch...Lost and found counter anyone? Where have I thrown my torch...

Yeah..Think I am realli the yan ou princess..if anyone understands...haha...that's wad my mum thinks..so maybe..I realli haven grown up yet...no doubt having lived on my own in a place called beijing...but that doesn't count some how..or maybe somehow became more fragile...yeah...so please kindly handle with care..haha..

Crapz...

Need to be alone? Maybe..but that will make my thoughts go wilder...Learn to face the reality...that is wad I need to do...but kind of tough huh...Gotta experience such agony once in a blue moon..or rather..once every year...or half a year...or wad ever..This is life? I know we have choices in life...so have I chosen this myself?

Search me...

Dotz...

ZzZ..

Tmr will be a better day...

yA rite..~


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Ended my post @ 12:57:00 AM

Crap..

My whole entry just gone..yeah..stel..i am also having prob with the compose blog screen..wana highlight my entry...all gone...

Argh..~

Okie..I was saying...that the career fair are all scam..e-career fair also not much use..firstly..career fairs are just financial planners' scam...they will nicely invite u for a personality test..tell u it's to help u get a job suitable for u..then...they will call u up..ask if u wish to join them on this exciting career path..pester u..till u go mad...then..u reject...and..they will thank you..ask if you would wana be on their clients' list..yeah..smart...scam..

So..NUS dun seem to like SDE...career fair...dun really have much of our share..so gotta organise one on our own..but it seem more like introducing their services or wad not..e-career fair...also just a waste of time...

Enough of that...

Duno wad's coming over me today..maybe there are too many things till I dun really noe wad it is going on..been kind of quiet these days...from my own observation that is..If I am wrong...just tell me I am hallucinating..Seriously speaking...I dun ask for much...Just wan a simple life...is there anything wrong with that? Or does anyone understand at all?

All the complicated stuff dun come and touch me...S.I.M.P.L.E. plain 6 letters...is that so difficult to understand wad I wan? or am I too naive..is that a form of escapism? yeah..I am just tryin to ma zui zi ji..no wonder ppl turn to drinking..think it really helps..too bad i am no drinker..dun like drinking..u giv me cough syrup..i will drink..yeah..i love cough syrup..dun ask me y..but it's nice..haha..

Yeah..hermit crab coming out again..escapism..running away..more and more..living in my own world..living in my own dreams..only wish i was living my dream..but no..living in my dream..that's a different story altogether...sorry..I only love confusing ppl and making ppl blur..that's my job in life..haha..

But well..maybe wad my dad say realli hit the spot...hit the jackpot..that's y i dun like to listen..cos i dun wana face the reality..perhaps..maybe..that's y..still weird..noe i will stress..still say so much crap..

Escapism..I wan the sea...not for me to jump..although I very much wish to..my forte is trained..to control my tears..hold back my tears..good or bad..I duno...but it is a torture when u feel like crying..but cannot cry...at most is tears ard the eyes...xin ku..

My current mood...if defined in a dramatic term...I can be juz hanging by and stoning at the t-junction...crossing the road without noticing the cars..haha..let them juz knock me down maybe..but then..i dun wana stay in the hospital..all the needles and stuff...dun like...I dread the feelin of goin into a ward..i never went into a ward without having tears ard my eyes..Maybe...i am still a crybaby...a fact that doesn't change..since young..

Now...just wish to blast some music..I wana scream oso..nth much for me to blast though..hai..Come come..i wan the sea...maybe my pillow will be wet again tonite..haha..better day tmr? hope so...I can juz continue running away...till it all build up..

I am just insane...

Ignore me...

Ignore this post...

...

Labels: Rantings

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Ended my post @ 12:11:00 AM

Okie..there is sth absolutely wrong with this window that I am seeing now..hope there will not be any error posting my blog..haha..hmm..one week past since my final paper ended..25may shall be the verdict..i dun think I should stay home that day..yet if I go out I wonder wad will my mood be like..Hmmz...shan't think again..

Busy week..busy me..busy working as usual..Been a total idiot..hope I won't regret it..anyway..still not prepared for the working life also..so..it's all fated la..it's the choice you make in life..haha..crap philosophy..

Finally caught spidey..okie la..the black spidey really is more shuai..but a bit weird..din explain why the black subtance came down to earth and wad is it really about..is this the final sequel? or does MJ has to become the hostage for another time..hahaha..okie..poor MJ..always the hostage..think she must have gotten used to it already..3 whole episodes of hostage..haha..

Hmm..There were many random thoughts in my mind..but some how..everytime when I wana blog them..I forgot..

Hai..got nagged again..Dotz =.=

Oh..saw Kelly at work today..but think she a bit got attitude..stare for her quite long before I could recognise her..her hair grew longer liao..tot was her sister or sth..haha..but is her..nobody exclaim or wad ba..still..see the attitude enough liao..

Hmm..can't remember wad I wana blog about liao la..hmm..nvm..tmr going out with the clique..not full attendance..cos no qi qi..miss qi qi so much..!! so many things to do..I wonder y now hols liao I still like not much time to settle my stuff..

Still finding the torch in life..I am lost in this path...

cheerios~


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Ended my post @ 12:52:00 AM

Exams out..Holidays in..

I hope..

Even if it's stayin in sg..just wana find some nice nice place to hang out..and relax..a getaway from all this city living..okie..not that I would wana go kampung or wad..haha..Ubin mayb nice..provided no mosquitoes..I wana go walk the Changi bridge thingy..I wana go treetop trail..I wana go soo many places..Just find a chalet and hide me in there may be great..haha..

Post exam activities for today..was a hard job..haha..met Mrs Lim on the train! my sec sch chinese teacher..although I din really paid much attention to her lessons then..but ya..she's quite nice to talk to..after 7 years she still remembered me..not as the gd student in class..but the PA pres..haha..wadever PA stuff..come find me..haha..so everytime she talks to me..will be her comments on PA..haha..or rather media club now..dun even noe the juniors now..the last batch I noe..is KK and raymond's batch ba..after tt one..all dao kia..go chalet oso dun realli talk to them..haha..Oh ya..and still got si wee..but i tink forgot how he looked like liaoz..haha..anyway..mrs lim dun look like her wor!! couldn't recognise her back view..haha..she some how became younger..haha..sad la..say i blur blur one..as always ar..hai..

Hmm..so mission not completed..tireD..conclusion is that we are not born tai tai..haha..shoppin also tired..play mahjong also tired..we onli can work..and slog..oh no~! tt's not good..i still wana be slacker princess one..hahaha..build a house by the sea..got dolphin then nice..hahaha..kip dolphin as a pet maybe? haha..okie..here comes my day dream again..forever dreamer..hee..

Seems like got a lot of things to accomplished..wana go play and enjoy..but look and bank account a bit sad..haha..wana buy one jigsaw puzzle to play oso..!

To do list..:
1) go learn driving
2) go learn jap
3) go learn hip hop
4) go enjoy myself
5) tidy house till nice nice
6) go cycling
7) learn roller blading
8) do some sports so that i won't become a piggy..
9) and the list goes on...

Okie..enough of crap..still got fyp amendments..nd to go bac sch..hai..resume..edit a bit..cover letter...and..write email to prof..so many things to do..but i just dun feel like doin..haha..

Signing out here..~

Oh yeah..Liverpool did a gd job on wednesday~~! haha..kip it up and beat AC wor!!! Be the champs for 2007~~!!


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Ended my post @ 11:38:00 PM

WootZ~! Wing exam finally end...happy...walked out of exam hall half an hour earlier..the last time I did that..was for Soci ba..80 MCQ..this time round..the exam was much easier than the past few semesters..almost all the modules that I s/u..all i quite confident after the paper end..haiz..nvm..over liao..happy..

Got bac FYP..but then duno grades..quite disappointed..the whole thesis..din really have much corrections leh..I wonder what does it mean..hai..maybe i plagiarise too much isit..? haha..hell..I translate one leh..since most info in Chinese..hai...verdict will be out in 3 more weeks ba..gotta go bac sch to submit..hai...

Shall not sigh too much...no job...hai...

Oops..just said dun wana sigh too much..shall begin my play journey..I wana play!!!!!!! I need a break!!! hee..declare myself holiday!!!!


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Ended my post @ 5:45:00 PM

Labels: Pix

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Ended my post @ 2:03:00 PM

Sometimes really enjoy the env of the book store..maybe is its quietness and peacefulness..and maybe is the aroma of the books..hahaha..does books have aroma in the first place..? but well..bookstore are really nice places to stone and rot..away from everything..libraries..they are nice places too...but the air con is too cold some times..haha..

Anyway..still in the midst of mugging..Fyp gonna return home tmr..wonder how much work do I have to put in again to make all those amendments before I can hand in for the final binding..pls pls let me hav a desirable grade for it..no As..I know..but..duno what to expect oso...hai...

Tmr marks the end of all my papers..but duno is it good or bad..good..cos no more mugging..can play...bad..need to find job...need to settle fyp...I dun wana find job can?? Job come find me better..haha..no la..but think I really need to take a break..or are they really fulfilling my wish of starting work only in september? But sadly..I m not goin touring anywhere!! half of my dream not fulfilled...

Dr3am3r..Please carry on dreaming...Wonder when will my dreams come true...

Signing Out...~~

Chinese Lang..here I come..haha..

Liverpool pLs BucK Up ToniTe!! Cannot Lose Hor!!

Labels: Rantings

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Ended my post @ 1:56:00 PM