I think it's kind of weird, to have people giving you tonnes of work yet they are asking you not to waste your youth. "You should enjoy your weekend while you are young." That was what she said. To be having a meeting that lasts almost 4 hours every week, I seriously do not know where we will have time to do our own stuff. It's even weirder when people from other teams come asking you if you are fine, if you are able to cope with your work, and if you need any help. Maybe it's really because there is no conflict of interests that's why they can offer you their help and concern. But still..

The world is really weird. Or is it just the people I meet are weird. I may be greedy, but can I request that I have the best of both worlds? I can have waffles and bread delivered to my office desk while I am longing for some food, yet it can be irritating to have someone else seated next to me when they are supposed to be working at their own station. On the other hand, I can have people who wants to give in to me for everything that I am a bit tired of it. I am not a decision maker, and sometimes I really need a break from making decisions. It may be just a simple thing, yet I am just tired.

I felt bad, since I am like hurting people because of my attitude at times. I have already made it clear to you, maybe with a bit of stories included, but I think it will be just a waste of your time. I know you are nice but still there are so many shortcomings that you may be oblivious to. It kinda put me off when you do some of the things. I mean stop giving too much hope to yourself. I hope you can be clear what position you are in, and while we can lunch together and stuff, please keep some distance away from me, especially your hands. If there is some thing on my hair or what, can you just tell me politely, rather than giving me a shock when you just sweep it off for me? A pat on the head is really nice, but kindly do not do it too often. I need to have my own space, so do not follow me all the way to wherever I am going and pretend not to understand what I wanted to tell you. It is really kind of irritating and it just brings me back memories of secondary school and JC life all-in-one. Oh god. I know I may not get used to it when all of you leave the school, but I will try to get to know new friends all over again. 3 more weeks, things may change as they always do. In the coming year, things and people will change once again. Since, change is life, and life is all about changes.

On the other side of the island, I really need to see some changes. Maybe all I need is someone to catch me when I fall, someone to comfort me when I am down. I know you are trying to do all that, and I shouldn't make any comparison. But maybe it is all done in a wrong way. My friend once told me, things will get better once you all can get past this stage. I seriously hope so. If not, some one can tell me if I really should let things go. It is hard, I will be sad if I do that. But sometimes, I do enjoy the company that my friends provide.

Shall be off to brunch. Enchanted. It's what I want, to lead a fairytale life.


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Ended my post @ 10:09:00 AM

Finally there was the long awaited meet-ups..with both cliques in my life..the crazy K-Club & the wacky S4..(okie..can't find much of a descriptive word to describe my cliques..cos we are both too insane!)

Have been Emo-ing too frequently lately..that my eyes hurt..it's as if like some zombified creature walking around..gawd..I almost wanted to go for a cup on Fri Nite..but I was glad that we settled for B&J instead..and it was in front of a live band! CooL..liked the idea..but..hmm..maybe it will be better if they were behind some drapes..oops..cos their voice was real gd..but..sometimes dun seem to match their face..

The trip @ Mind's was alright..It's either we are too gentle..or we are really gentle..haha..it was supposed to be a violent game but ended up we played it fair and square..settled for Monopoly at the end..but we were too tired by then..not much life @ the game..had my root beer float againz..slurpilious..Had a sudden craving for shopping..hmm..anyone? I wana shop at CapitalMalls..so that I can have my alvin & the chipmunks goodieS!!

Went to T3 earlier as well..with my family and miao came to join us after that..sorry miao..cos it was a sudden change of plans that my dad is able to make it..and they ps me for lunch..so ended up we had to go for the tour first..but it's like not a lot of things at the tour..cos everything is under construction..O well..I have to say..T3 was superb..! It looks classier than the other Ts..and..mayb it's new..that is why i simply luv it..but it seems a little cramp..that's y it's all glass panels all over ba..with tall columns also..to create the feeling of a wide space when it is built on limited land..

Having the holiday mood sia..

Sat went for breakfast with S4..finally! at long last it was a reunion of the 4some..thx lingy for making it here even though u weren't feeling too well..the breakfast was like super full!! had too much bread in the basket..hahaha..feeling so piggish the whole day..

Afternoon went to AMK Hub for Hero..must watch k..although a bit dumb to have the into in the middle of the whole movie..hmm..but it was good..Settled for Sumo house de katsu don..dun seem very Jap..cos got scrambled egg with onion one..weird weird..haha..

Anyway..still feeling quite lost..cos work really equates to no life for me..and this is not wad i wan..I wan my life back..Can i have time to sit and chit chat with friends from dusk till dawn? I want to sit by the beach to watch the sunrise and sunset and the starlit skies at nite..hope I can get over the Emo-ing..Cos I wan to have a happy happy birthday..not a emo-ing bday..haha...although I doubt I even have the time to celebrate my bday ba..it will b juz occupied with work..crapz..

Duno what I am writing yet again..shall go back to my excel files now..

Nice weather for sleeping though..Gloomy weather..
...


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Ended my post @ 4:27:00 PM

Existence = Redundant

Guess I am having too much eye drops these days..
that explains y tears keep rolling out of my eyes uncontrollably...
I hate it..
Emo-ing..
I wana smile..
but facial muscles are simply too stiff..
crap..this is total crap..
I am sick and tired..
once again..

I sworn to be positive 2 days ago..
and now...
I am giving crap..
argh..
I hate myself..!


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Ended my post @ 1:33:00 AM

Is the whole world turning against me?
Y is it that I blogged till crazy and ta-dah..
suddenly the whole entry is gone!
WTH!
already not in the best of mood..
and I get all this crap..
I am tired..
I am just gettin everyone miserable..
Please just ignore me for like half a year?
and maybe I will be fine after that..

...


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Ended my post @ 1:30:00 AM

Qn of the day: What is the most wonderful thing that happened in your life?


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Ended my post @ 10:34:00 AM

Went for orientation on 6 & 7 Nov..
weird hor..i work quite long le then come the orientation camp..
haha..
O wells..
I headed out for the orientation with quite a sian mood..
duno wad to expect for the camp and a bit scared as usual..
But came home with a lot of nice memories and new frens made!
Here's my story on Orientation..

6 Nov..
7.40am: Headed out to MRT station (tot will be late)
8.30am: Reached Tiong Bahru to meet Jiayi..
9am: The fun begins..

Had a lot of reshuffling in the group..
did puzzle games, had lectures, had the totem pole..
and then there was the entertainment night..
Luckily for our group, we are only supposed to plan out games..
hee..
So no acting is required!
Had a new RP Cheer..
by ying's grp..(and interestingly his name is directly opposite of mine!)
Oh..and we had a yummy dinner~!
With Dr A sitting beside me!
OMG..kept concentrating on my food in case i made the wrong comment..
haha..
Just realised my language bar is gone..!
Wana type xin jin dan zhan..haha..

Anywayz..
Stayed over @ the hotel..
super nice..
suddenly i felt as if i m no longer in Sg but in some part of MY..
Cos..the estates surronding the hotel is quite old..
n yeah..got a flavour of MY..
and they hav a global tv programme!
there is still scv lo!
so happy can watch soccer..hehe..
went down to the hotel lobby and all over to take pix..
mountain turtle ma..
but i din bring my cam onli my phone..so shall upload some time..
hee..
met dawn n gang at the lobby and somehow..we just became frens!
took lots of pix with them too..
waiting for them to send me..hee..
as for my roommie..she was okie la..
the only weird thing is that i have to share a queen size bed with her!
OMG..
i was still kinda hoping that she will not stay over so that i hv the entire bed to myself..
hehe..
But well..okay la..at least had a nice talk with her..
and found out all about a faci's life =)
and also shared my work stuff with her..
hoping that they will not complain when we send more notifications to them..
hee..

7 Nov 07..
6.42am : Woke up and wash up..
7.30am : Rot at the bed to watch TV while waiting for my roomie to prep..
8am : Breakfast!!

It was a nice buffet breakfast..
had quite a lot..hehe..
not bad also..got the american breakfast and also chinese dim sum..
Yummy!

9am: Start of the day's activity..
Sat with ai tee, fiona, and a lot of other ppl..
din get reshuffled this time ard..
but more experiential games..
which was helpful..
cos i was falling asleep in the midst of the lect..
but luckily got sms to kip me awake..
whahah..thx ya =)
had the human chain game as well..
we were fast to untangle..hehe..
den..did the mine field game..
and now my shoulder and hand ache..
cos carried ppl over..
and also got carried over..
so whoever is carryin me..
his/her hand sure break by now..
sth funny happened..
somebody commented that I was light weight!
hahaha..so happy =P
then some other girls were like asking..
"how come u nv say i light when u carried me over?"
haha..so fun..

nice memories..
but it had to come to an end..
will hav a date with ying on 6 dec..
wahaha..
got my cert..
and we all goin separate ways after 2 days..
hmm..
hope we will cross path again some day..
at the campus..
that i hope i will grow more attached to..
=)

This is the start of a brand new journey..
Stay positive..
and you will see the rainbow at the end of it =)

Counting Down: 34 Days...


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Ended my post @ 10:16:00 AM

Finally met the legendary JunKai!
He is cute..and shuai..
Yeah..
Miao dun laugh..
He is really shuai lo..
You so lucky to have a shuai nephew..
hahaha..
Shall upload his photos next time..
Such a guai boy boy..
Willing to let me carry lo!
See I must be so nice..
that he choose to let me carry him =P

...

Anyway..
I couldn't really control my emotions these days..
Probably suffering from some depression..
Took 39 home alone..
When I tot I could have catch a few moments of him at Pasir Ris..
Called..
But too late..
Dun think he will wan to see me also..
If not may make him sadder..
ha..
It was a nice ride home..
Tears were welling up in my eyes..
Trying not to let it fall..
If not I will look like an idiot as usual..
It's not the first time..
to cry on the journey alone..
Just that this is the first time that I am crying on the bus..
Ha..

Almost tempted to take the bus to changi on my own..
Can't imagine what things I can do..
It would be nice to take a bus to an unknown destination on a expressway..
Wanted to watch movie alone as well..
So at least I can cry inside without anybody knowing since it's dark..
But sadly..
Not much nice shows were screening at the timeslot..

Finally detoured back home..
Shut myself in my room...
and cried..
For once since a long time..
I cried real hard..
It was good..
Just that I woke up feeling groggy and blurry..
but..
Da ku yi chang is just quite destressing ba..
Luckily eyes did not turn red when i woke up..
Hope the coming week will be a better week..
Haven been treating my stomach to a proper meal..
Shall eat something nice soon..

...


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Ended my post @ 9:12:00 PM

It's taking quite long to upload pix..so I have decided..just add a few first..come bac next time..haha...edit the comments next time too..niteyz..



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Ended my post @ 1:06:00 AM

Not in the right frame of mind to blog..
But i supposed i can just ratter my tots off..
Afterall..
it's my blog..
haha..

I wana scream and shout and yell at people..
I seriously dun understand some people...
I know that you want to save the hassle of organizing events..
I know that you are busy with your own stuff..
but..
similarly..other people also have their own things to do wad..
it's like a rotating kinda thing..
No way to avoid de ba..
if you think you hav no opinion..why would u wana raise up your ideas when everything has been settled?
grr...
faint 100x..
I wonder if this is the reason that i am getting giddy spells..

Seriously wonder..
why do people need to wear any social masks when they can be themselves?
hai..
It's so super tiring...

Harsh reality of life..and work and the society..
I wonder when can I get used to it...
But I dun wana adapt to it..
cos at the end of the day, I may have to adopt it..
have to be as fake as them..
Omg..
I think I am really good with imitating people..
it just depends on who i am talking to..
and I will just talk the way they do..
Perhaps other than my closer frens..
where I can b my true self..
okie..which is the crappy and lame and childish and wadsoever..
u can act idiotic and nobody will really give you a hard scolding or suaning..
provided you must do it at the right time..
haha..
If not you will just get slapped by people..

On the other hand..
Maybe I am getting a bit attached to my work place ba..
Especially with the big events coming up..
I am quite looking forward..
Just that I need to be used to the pace of working..
which is super duper zoom!
you have to do it accurately and quickly..
but i just hate planning of your performace..or review..duno how to write..
haha..
My fren taught me something useful..
Dun have to care wad the future lies..
Just be satisfied of the present...
Since the future is always uncertain..
and nobody can predict what is going to happen..
Hmm..
I am happy..
I should live my own life..
Live life not for others..but for myself..
I should just keep all the happy tots and throw unhappy ones aside..
But the problem is..
can i really do it?

I can just get annoyed for the smallest reason ever..
and I wonder why..
I dun used to care about all the small small things..
but now..
things seemed different..
just get angry and irritated for no reason..
okay there is a reason..
but a minor and ridiculousone..
Hai..
i am such a contradicting person..
Yeah..the weirdest girl you have ever seen..

I think it's getting late..
I kinda forgot wad i wana blog about..
hee..
But went to the adventure learning today again!
Simply love it..
I wonder if I am really becoming more adventurous..
Willing to walk out of my comfort zone..
I wonder..

anyway..
I am wishing for time on my own..
to finish wadever I am assigned to...
I dun wan to leave things hanging..
But it seems I simply do not have enough time..
neither do I get time for enough sleep..
Working life is probably driving my hair white..
haha..
but i should be thankful for not being in the company which I was supposed to work in..
If not I think I will just throw myself off the 72nd storey of some building..
overstress...
I miss my beijing life again..
everytime i get stressed..
I will just miss the life there..
although far apart from everyone..but life is simply free~~~

Too idealistic..
I agree..
Irritate some people again..
Haix..
shall end off le..
niteyz all..



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Ended my post @ 12:41:00 AM